Why aren't you doing that NOW?

This may seem like a strange interest or passion to have, but I am extremely passionate about relationships. I love coaching with people around relationships. I love exploring what is going on for them and where they're troubled. I love helping them align their core values and expectations with their actions so they are building the relationships they want. When asked to discern my core values during my life coaching training back in 2010, I knew immediately that relationships was at the top of the list. It has been my whole life. I am one of those people that bends over backwards for others, who is loyal to a fault at times, and who treasures the connections I build with other people.

Relationships are hard for a lot of people. Getting along with family members, building a healthy romantic relationship with another individual, and maintaining friendships all take work. They require care, time, effort, and most importantly - TWO people. One person cannot be bearing the weight or eventually they'll collapse. And the relationship typically collapses with them. I've had numerous relationships collapse in my life. Some I've let collapse because they were not healthy or weren't giving me what I needed, and others collapsed because the other person decided they weren't getting what they needed. It doesn't necessarily mean there was wrong-doing involved or that one person was to blame, it simply means that the needs and/or values didn't line up between the two individuals.

Yesterday, I underwent another value exercise at a workshop. Relationships was still at the top of my core value list. Part of this exercise was to find other descriptive value words that spoke to your definition of a particular value - since one word can mean so many different things to different people. I chose 'relationships' as my core value and grouped with it the words 'connection, family, friends, community, and loyalty.' Many other people in the group also chose family or relationships as a core value. While there are a lot of us out there who say we value family and relationships, there are a lot of us not honoring or living out that value. We were asked the question, "If you found out that you had 6 months to live, what would you do with your remaining days?" A lot of people answered, "Spend more time with family and friends." My thoughts were affirmed aloud by the workshop facilitator, "Why aren't you already doing that NOW?"

People tend to fill up their schedules with all sorts of activities, myself included sometimes. We get too busy to be available to our so-called loved ones and the people that matter. We work ourselves into the ground and trade our precious time and energy for green paper. We spend most of our time trying to earn a living, rather than actually living life.

Massaging my passions into reality

I've been losing sleep.
Not due to stress or tension, but to excitement. Ever had that happen? You know, when sleeping is tough because you can't seem to shut off the brainstorming and creative juices and the passion of what you're about to embark on? Despite the lack of sleep, I feel rejuvenated and more alive than ever. How is that possible, you wonder? I've connected to my passions, that's how!

Through blogging and an online business focusing program I've been doing this month, I've put a lot of time and thought into connecting my passions and interests. In doing so, I've come alive with energy to do the work I was meant to do!

One of my many passions that I haven't written about yet is massage therapy. It is time I bring that to the forefront since it has been a love of mine since middle school. I was lucky to have been raised in a household where my dad would sometimes give backrubs to me and my siblings while watching TV after dinner. They were hard and painful, but felt great when he was done! Thus, my siblings and I started exchanging backrubs in bed at night. We'd trade 5 minutes for 5 minutes since our little hands didn't last that long back then. It didn't take long for me to realize that I was the only one who actually enjoyed giving the backrub as much as I enjoyed receiving it. I continued to give backrubs to other family members and friends at school. My godfather/uncle supported my interest and gave me oils and massage books as gifts for Christmas or birthdays. Soon, I was in high demand at family reunions!

When I got to high school, I continued teaching myself a variety of massage techniques. I fell in love with human anatomy and biology. I started researching massage therapy training programs to attend after graduation. Most of them were 9 months or 12 months long and cost $9,000 - $12,000. I had saved money for college my whole life and was really excited about being able to afford a massage therapy program.

Now, my parents had other ideas. A lot of discussion was had about the viability of massage as a career, and to make a long story short, I ended up in a 4 year college setting. I continued to do massage throughout college and eventually starting running a "business" out of my dorm room during my sophomore year. When I went abroad to Thailand during my junior year, I treated myself to a 3 day Thai massage training and loved it. My interest in massage was not dwindling. Upon my return, I purchased a table on Ebay and had it delivered to my residence hall. I learned proper draping techniques, researched oils/lotions, and was able to offer better quality massages out of my dorm. I also ran for homecoming queen with the slogan "She'll Rub You the Right Way" and offered free massages on the campus mall every day of Homecoming week to promote myself. As fate would have it, I connected with the electrology institute in Eau Claire and was hired on as the massage specialist during my senior year. I had my own room at that building where all of my materials were provided for me. I was given DVD training in swedish, deep tissue, prenatal, sports, and hot stone massages. It was like a dream come true.

Well, life brought about many changes again and I found myself leaving my college town after graduation and moving home. I didn't lose sight of my desire to relax and heal people, and still offered massages out of my home as soon as I'd moved out of my parents' house. It was always on the back burner, but still simmering.

Now that I've moved into my own 2 bedroom apartment, I found myself with the freedom to make massage more of a priority. I turned one of the bedrooms into my fulltime massage room (as you can see above) and put a lot of thought into the colors, layout, energy, and feel of the room. I looooove spending time in that room. :)

The simmering seems to have come to a boil, finally. As I am creating a business to empower and strengthen women through accessing their inner stillness, I see coaching and massage as perfect compliments to doula services. I believe my clients will find a mommy-to-be package of prenatal massages, birth planning, and coaching to be beyond helpful in getting them the birth experience they want.

Here's my picketing sign: "Healthy Mom, Healthy Baby"

I haven't written in a while... because I'm really freaking busy with all my cookie jars!

I just got back from my Doula Workshop down in the cities. I was in an intro class from 8am-5pm on Friday, a breastfeeding class from 5-9pm that night, then in class from 7:30am-5:30pm on Saturday with reading homework that night, and class again from 7:30-4:30pm today. I am so incredibly overwhelmed with information and emotional stories and a deep passion for this work that I'm wide awake and exhausted simultaneously.

I've only told this to two people in my life: I'm pretty sure I was born to be an activist of sorts - to really step up and fight for something. You know, a REAL activist. Not like the hippies in the 70's with the posterboard signs stabled to wooden stakes, marching around in protest of something or other, and camping out with picnic lunches on the lawn in front of some important landmark. (Not to say that wasn't helpful, but not what I'm going for.)

I was meant to be an activist for empowering women, particularly those in labor. I truly believe that the experience of pregnancy and birth have a profound, lifelong effect on not only the mother but also on the baby. A mother's self-esteem, confidence, feminism, intuition, and primal instincts are all worn on her sleeve during this phase of her life. A baby's initial experience affects his/her temperament, sense of security and trust, and view of the world.

I intend to get a doula program implemented in the St. Cloud Hospital. I want women in the community to know what their options are for labor and to have a voice in getting the birth experience they want. I hope to shift the paradigm of birth being seen as a medical operation to a beautiful, natural process. Women's bodies were designed to reproduce and no technology can replace that. (disclaimer: obviously in the event of high-risk pregnancies, medical advancements are wonderful for saving the lives of mothers and babies.)

At the very least, I want to get a community doula program started - to lead educational programs, volunteer with low-income and single women, and advocate for a shift in the birthing world. At the very most, I want to design and build a birthing center, separate from the hospital, to offer natural birthing options (water births, movement/postures, etc.) with midwives, doulas, and nurses. I am not sure how I can achieve this yet, but I am going to figure it out. I have to.

I remember being voted "Most Likely to Change the World" in high school and I graduated thinking, "Well, great, thanks for THAT burden..." When it hits you in the deepest place of your soul, though, it sure doesn't feel like a burden.