Na na Why don't you get a job?

I've had many people suggest that I get a job. Not because I sit on my ass all day or because I'm missing payments, but because I lack routine and financial stability at this point in life. It's a logical response to an unstable lifestyle and to money problems. However, it typically arises from that person's own discomfort with risk or personal experience, and not in response to my reality. In reality, my money situation is far better off than most. When others prompt me to think about this route in life, my response is simply, "Jobs are for people who rely on regular paychecks for comfort and stability." Jobs are beautiful constructs of an economy where many people cannot handle the unknown. I am not implying that this is a bad thing. Plenty of people cannot handle instability because they have children to care for or debt payments with high interest or other obligations. Others can't handle the unknown simply because of mental anxiety or psychological needs. Whatever the case, I am not one of those people - yet (I'll have kids someday)! Naturally, I do need comfort and stability like any human, but my comfort and stability relies on relationships with other people.

I'm not adverse to ever getting a job, but at this point it would simply be to make money. While money is an essential for our basic needs, many of us have forgotten what real NEEDS are. Minimalists, like myself, require little money to live because once our basic needs are met, we are content to forgo tons of material goods, cable tv, weekly bar nights, movie theatre outings, shopping sprees or even any clothes shopping in general, or eating out at restaurants frequently. These luxuries are wonderful, of course, and when I have a little disposable income I like to engage in some of those activities, too, particularly when they facilitate building relationships. But I don't NEED them.

It is for this reason that I have not gone out and snagged myself a "job." Having a job interferes with my ability to facilitate relationships, as well as my ability to pursue my own passions. Perfect example: I spent the past two days in labor with a client. She called me at 4am Wednesday morning and I met her at the hospital a little over an hour later (my commute was an hour). We had no idea what would happen, how she'd progress, when the baby would be born, etc. I cancelled my Wednesday meetings and stayed with her. I stayed overnight. Then Thursday morning came around and I rearranged my Thursday plans as well... There are not many jobs that are going to allow me the flexibility to leave whenever I get a call and to be gone indefinitely. The people I had to cancel on, or reschedule with, were accepting of the circumstances because of the relationships I'd built up with them. Attending that laboring woman was my top priority and having the freedom to not worry and be present to her was an incredible luxury. I DO get luxuries in life, too!

(*Warning: some swearing involved... )

The only thing you need to know about SEX

Warning: Adult content.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit groggy. I applied some peppermint essential oil to my chest and under my nose to alleviate some sinus pressure, and then loaded Pandora on my phone before hopping in a hot shower. (Hot is a relative term, I take lukewarm showers according to my boyfriend.) One of my favorite songs came on as soon as I got out of the shower: "Butterfly" by Jason Mraz. For those of you who haven't heard this song before, listen to it now. It is super sexy. It got me in a mood... I took my sweet time drying off and then danced around naked because I COULD. I continued to fold my laundry without getting dressed. I made some lunch in the nude, too. I love naked time. It is freeing, empowering, exhilarating, and relaxing. It makes me feel sexy. Unfortunately, naked time does not feel the same to other women. Many women dislike, or even hate, their bodies. (There are definitely men with body issues, too, don't get me wrong. The recent Glee episode titled "Naked" illustrated this.)

Why am I talking about naked time? With an increasingly brazen culture of sex-ridden media (Fifty Shades of Gray, sexy Go-Daddy models, Glee episodes, advertisements, Victoria's Secret, etc.), there seems to be a lot of focus on our bodies but little conversation and real "talk" about sex. So, I wanted to write today about another passion of mine: SEX. No, I'm not a sexual deviant nor am I a nymphomaniac. I happen to be a woman with a healthy sexual appetite. I really enjoy discussing sex. I think sex serves many purposes and can, and SHOULD, be a wonderful act. I've thought about becoming a sex therapist before, and may still consider it as a career down the road. Several of my friends have come to me with concerns and sex issues, and I've written a lot of sex-related material. I've dedicated a lot of my mental energy to determining the role of sex in relationships. I filled six pieces of bright orange looseleaf paper during my senior year of college about whether or not I wanted to lose my virginity before marriage. Some would say I was a prude. To each their own. I just think sex is a really special expression and shouldn't be frivolously engaged in, that's all. That's another topic for another road... I could write forever about my thoughts on sex, but today is for those ladies looking for "5 ways to rev up your sex life" and "the secrets to make him want you."

With Valentine's Day coming up next week, I got to thinking about relationships, sex, dating, and all that wonderfully delicious blogging material. Women everywhere are researching creative date ideas, romantic gifts, and the latest and greatest sex tips with fervor. I have filtered through a lot of that garbage on google for you, checked with Christian Carter, Dear Abby, and Dan Savage, and I'm here to tell you the answer to all of your sex (and relationship) problems. Yup, you'll finally have the answer and I'm giving it to you for FREE. That's right, no credit card. It won't even cost you your email address to sign up for my pesky newsletter. REALLY, TRULY FREE. The answer is:

Confidence.

You know the other great thing? Confidence can be free, too. No $29.97 for an expert's relationship book, no $99 gym membership fee, no $250/mo of sex therapy, not even $3.99 for that issue of Glamour magazine with the article "Let's Get Dressed: How to Look Skinny in Everything." GET UNDRESSED. Metaphorically... but literally for some of you! Get vulnerable! Confidence comes from within, and it starts with loving yourself, your body, and your personality. Easier said than done, right? Of course! That's why there's an entire market out there making millions off of those looking to increase their performance in bed, when in reality most people are looking to increase their confidence. If that gym membership is going to help you get there, though, then do it.

Or... you could take a risk. Don't wear underwear on Valentine's Day and walk around like you own the ground you walk on. Initiate sex (if you don't usually)! Make him pull the car over on the way to dinner and fool around for a bit like hormone-driven, high school teens. Step out of your comfort zone, laugh at yourself, get playful, and enjoy your body. Start small, start SOMEWHERE, and reap the benefits of your new-found sexy confidence.

Why aren't you doing that NOW?

This may seem like a strange interest or passion to have, but I am extremely passionate about relationships. I love coaching with people around relationships. I love exploring what is going on for them and where they're troubled. I love helping them align their core values and expectations with their actions so they are building the relationships they want. When asked to discern my core values during my life coaching training back in 2010, I knew immediately that relationships was at the top of the list. It has been my whole life. I am one of those people that bends over backwards for others, who is loyal to a fault at times, and who treasures the connections I build with other people.

Relationships are hard for a lot of people. Getting along with family members, building a healthy romantic relationship with another individual, and maintaining friendships all take work. They require care, time, effort, and most importantly - TWO people. One person cannot be bearing the weight or eventually they'll collapse. And the relationship typically collapses with them. I've had numerous relationships collapse in my life. Some I've let collapse because they were not healthy or weren't giving me what I needed, and others collapsed because the other person decided they weren't getting what they needed. It doesn't necessarily mean there was wrong-doing involved or that one person was to blame, it simply means that the needs and/or values didn't line up between the two individuals.

Yesterday, I underwent another value exercise at a workshop. Relationships was still at the top of my core value list. Part of this exercise was to find other descriptive value words that spoke to your definition of a particular value - since one word can mean so many different things to different people. I chose 'relationships' as my core value and grouped with it the words 'connection, family, friends, community, and loyalty.' Many other people in the group also chose family or relationships as a core value. While there are a lot of us out there who say we value family and relationships, there are a lot of us not honoring or living out that value. We were asked the question, "If you found out that you had 6 months to live, what would you do with your remaining days?" A lot of people answered, "Spend more time with family and friends." My thoughts were affirmed aloud by the workshop facilitator, "Why aren't you already doing that NOW?"

People tend to fill up their schedules with all sorts of activities, myself included sometimes. We get too busy to be available to our so-called loved ones and the people that matter. We work ourselves into the ground and trade our precious time and energy for green paper. We spend most of our time trying to earn a living, rather than actually living life.