Why aren't you doing that NOW?

This may seem like a strange interest or passion to have, but I am extremely passionate about relationships. I love coaching with people around relationships. I love exploring what is going on for them and where they're troubled. I love helping them align their core values and expectations with their actions so they are building the relationships they want. When asked to discern my core values during my life coaching training back in 2010, I knew immediately that relationships was at the top of the list. It has been my whole life. I am one of those people that bends over backwards for others, who is loyal to a fault at times, and who treasures the connections I build with other people.

Relationships are hard for a lot of people. Getting along with family members, building a healthy romantic relationship with another individual, and maintaining friendships all take work. They require care, time, effort, and most importantly - TWO people. One person cannot be bearing the weight or eventually they'll collapse. And the relationship typically collapses with them. I've had numerous relationships collapse in my life. Some I've let collapse because they were not healthy or weren't giving me what I needed, and others collapsed because the other person decided they weren't getting what they needed. It doesn't necessarily mean there was wrong-doing involved or that one person was to blame, it simply means that the needs and/or values didn't line up between the two individuals.

Yesterday, I underwent another value exercise at a workshop. Relationships was still at the top of my core value list. Part of this exercise was to find other descriptive value words that spoke to your definition of a particular value - since one word can mean so many different things to different people. I chose 'relationships' as my core value and grouped with it the words 'connection, family, friends, community, and loyalty.' Many other people in the group also chose family or relationships as a core value. While there are a lot of us out there who say we value family and relationships, there are a lot of us not honoring or living out that value. We were asked the question, "If you found out that you had 6 months to live, what would you do with your remaining days?" A lot of people answered, "Spend more time with family and friends." My thoughts were affirmed aloud by the workshop facilitator, "Why aren't you already doing that NOW?"

People tend to fill up their schedules with all sorts of activities, myself included sometimes. We get too busy to be available to our so-called loved ones and the people that matter. We work ourselves into the ground and trade our precious time and energy for green paper. We spend most of our time trying to earn a living, rather than actually living life.