I had an awful dream last night, well, rather early this morning. It felt so real that it stuck with me all morning and caused me to weep uncontrollably. I dreamed that I'd been executed for some reason - beheaded, to be precise. I remember feeling very calm and feeling very little pain during the actual experience, but I remained as a ghost for the rest of the dream. I walked around as my 26 year old self, talking to a few close friends who could still see me, and wallowing in painful memories of things I'd dreamed of and never done: like experience pregnancy and motherhood, travel to certain places, change the world... I was told by someone in the dream that I obviously had unfinished business since I was still here as a ghost.
I thought about unfinished business. I thought about loose ends in my life. I try very hard to live a life of purpose, with few or no regrets, and yet I still have things that drag on. We all have unfinished business.
Closing doors is really hard for me. Letting go and moving forward is not something that comes naturally to me. I am reminded during this holiday season that when I focus on gratitude and hope, letting go is a bit easier. When I am thankful for memories and past experiences, and I turn to the future with an energy of hope, then unfinished business becomes just business as usual.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Swagger and Spunk
The past couple weeks have brought the theme of CONFIDENCE to the forefront of my mind. I've been told throughout my entire life what a confident woman I am. Contrary to popular belief, confidence didn't come naturally to me! Most of me truly believed I was faking it, because on the inside I was terribly insecure for a long time. Throughout college, a three year spiritual development program, and a year of life coach training, I examined as many nooks and crannies of my personality as I could find at the time, faced some fears, acknowledged my shortcomings, and embraced the parts of myself I despised. Then, after all that work focusing on my weaknesses, I realized that I was totally missing a huge part of self-discovery.
Focusing on my weaknesses brought me some growth, yes, but it did nothing to boost my self esteem or confidence.
I started to explore where confidence came from. Internally searching myself hadn't done it thus far so I asked for feedback from clients and friends and I started to try and see myself how they saw me. I championed myself the way they championed me. It seems so easy to write about and to talk about, but in reality, it is really hard for people to do without proper support. Our culture condones being a victim and wallowing in a dark pit of sadness. It's familiar, comfortable, and acceptable. I decided I was sick of that. I wanted to truly walk in an energy of confidence and mean it.
How did I learn to embrace confidence? First, I had to figure out what the word confidence even meant. Confidence is defined by good ole Webster as "The state of feeling certain about the truth of something." It became clear to me that I had to be certain of something within myself to obtain genuine confidence.
So, what was within me? Passion. A lot of passion. I was certain of that beyond all reason.
However, I needed help in focusing my passions. I invested in my own life coach, a business building program, and a lot of networking. When I invested my energy in what made me tick, what made me light up, and what made me want to get up in the morning, I discovered my core values came bubbling to the surface in no time. Once I had my focus on my core values, it was easier to align my actions and my vision. My life's purpose of empowering others, with particular attention on helping a woman "unleash her swagger," was crystal clear at that point. Pretty soon, I was walking my talk. And pretty soon, people were commenting on my confident swagger and spunk.
Everyone's swagger is unique. Your swagger is an expression of your inner workings and it is your's to own. Have you unleashed your swagger? If you're not sure or want to dive deeper, I'm developing a signature program that you're bound to love.
Focusing on my weaknesses brought me some growth, yes, but it did nothing to boost my self esteem or confidence.
I started to explore where confidence came from. Internally searching myself hadn't done it thus far so I asked for feedback from clients and friends and I started to try and see myself how they saw me. I championed myself the way they championed me. It seems so easy to write about and to talk about, but in reality, it is really hard for people to do without proper support. Our culture condones being a victim and wallowing in a dark pit of sadness. It's familiar, comfortable, and acceptable. I decided I was sick of that. I wanted to truly walk in an energy of confidence and mean it.
How did I learn to embrace confidence? First, I had to figure out what the word confidence even meant. Confidence is defined by good ole Webster as "The state of feeling certain about the truth of something." It became clear to me that I had to be certain of something within myself to obtain genuine confidence.
So, what was within me? Passion. A lot of passion. I was certain of that beyond all reason.
However, I needed help in focusing my passions. I invested in my own life coach, a business building program, and a lot of networking. When I invested my energy in what made me tick, what made me light up, and what made me want to get up in the morning, I discovered my core values came bubbling to the surface in no time. Once I had my focus on my core values, it was easier to align my actions and my vision. My life's purpose of empowering others, with particular attention on helping a woman "unleash her swagger," was crystal clear at that point. Pretty soon, I was walking my talk. And pretty soon, people were commenting on my confident swagger and spunk.
Everyone's swagger is unique. Your swagger is an expression of your inner workings and it is your's to own. Have you unleashed your swagger? If you're not sure or want to dive deeper, I'm developing a signature program that you're bound to love.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Acceptance in the NOW
Today is one of those days. You know, the ones where there isn't anything particularly wrong, but the weather is mucky and grey, the littlest setback or criticism sets you off, and you want to erupt into tears. It's not even PMS time yet, so you can't blame that. My writing will be a bit haphazard, and may not even follow one train of thought, but I've got to get some stuff down.
Last night, my father reminded me that one's vulnerability is what makes us human, it's what reminds us that there is something bigger in the world than us. I guess my demanding attitude, persistence, and decisiveness had given him the impression that I'd abandoned or lost my spirituality. My belief in the energy of the universe is strong, and I believe more fervently now than ever before that I'm following my heart, soul, and intuition. It isn't easy, but I'm supposed to be navigating this direction. I do not have all of the answers or the pieces in place, nor should I. I'm not trying to force things to happen, but I'm acutely aware of the things I can make happen. My best friend also questioned my spirituality and direction of my life in the past year, and things between her and I have never quite been the same. Unknowingly, she offended the core of my very being because she hadn't taken the time to ask about how I'd changed. It is hard to allow people close to us to change, let alone change drastically. It is also hard to acknowledge that maybe we don't know someone as well as we think we do.
It has become apparent to me that many strangers have a better sense of who I truly am than my own closest family and friends. I can engage a stranger within seconds of talking to me, and my groundedness, passion, charisma, and intelligence is easy to see. I exert little effort in impressing anyone, but on the flip side, I also rarely show anyone my vulnerability. As a result, I've been known to be "rock solid" and dependable. I've been seen as extremely strong by so many friends my entire life that I've often felt that I had no one I could be vulnerable with. When I do open up, and expose my weaknesses, more often than not others just minimize them, try to fix them, or try to relate to them in their own life. Sharing your own sob stories is not helpful. All I'm asking for is to be validated in feeling the way I do, and to be listened to. I'm asking to be accepted just as I am, for who I am NOW. Not for who I was when I was young.
I am vulnerable. I wear my heart on my sleeve and share it easily with others. I spill out my passion and energy and neglect to keep some inside to keep me flickering. I love quickly and deeply, without expecting it in return. I have always been a giver, to a fault, and now that I'm trying to be more careful and cautious, I have people questioning my behavior and my spirituality. I have every right to protect myself, and if it comes off as confident or arrogant to you, well I don't really care. No one has proven to me yet that they are safe enough or strong enough to handle all of me, so why should I share my dreams, thoughts, passions, and love with them?
Last night, my father reminded me that one's vulnerability is what makes us human, it's what reminds us that there is something bigger in the world than us. I guess my demanding attitude, persistence, and decisiveness had given him the impression that I'd abandoned or lost my spirituality. My belief in the energy of the universe is strong, and I believe more fervently now than ever before that I'm following my heart, soul, and intuition. It isn't easy, but I'm supposed to be navigating this direction. I do not have all of the answers or the pieces in place, nor should I. I'm not trying to force things to happen, but I'm acutely aware of the things I can make happen. My best friend also questioned my spirituality and direction of my life in the past year, and things between her and I have never quite been the same. Unknowingly, she offended the core of my very being because she hadn't taken the time to ask about how I'd changed. It is hard to allow people close to us to change, let alone change drastically. It is also hard to acknowledge that maybe we don't know someone as well as we think we do.
It has become apparent to me that many strangers have a better sense of who I truly am than my own closest family and friends. I can engage a stranger within seconds of talking to me, and my groundedness, passion, charisma, and intelligence is easy to see. I exert little effort in impressing anyone, but on the flip side, I also rarely show anyone my vulnerability. As a result, I've been known to be "rock solid" and dependable. I've been seen as extremely strong by so many friends my entire life that I've often felt that I had no one I could be vulnerable with. When I do open up, and expose my weaknesses, more often than not others just minimize them, try to fix them, or try to relate to them in their own life. Sharing your own sob stories is not helpful. All I'm asking for is to be validated in feeling the way I do, and to be listened to. I'm asking to be accepted just as I am, for who I am NOW. Not for who I was when I was young.
I am vulnerable. I wear my heart on my sleeve and share it easily with others. I spill out my passion and energy and neglect to keep some inside to keep me flickering. I love quickly and deeply, without expecting it in return. I have always been a giver, to a fault, and now that I'm trying to be more careful and cautious, I have people questioning my behavior and my spirituality. I have every right to protect myself, and if it comes off as confident or arrogant to you, well I don't really care. No one has proven to me yet that they are safe enough or strong enough to handle all of me, so why should I share my dreams, thoughts, passions, and love with them?
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