1970's tile, 1990's music, and 2013 me

"I will buy you a garden, where your flowers can bloom..."

I'm enjoying the sounds of 90's alternative radio as I relax at my friend's new home in Proctor, MN. She purchased her first home last fall and has put a lot of work into renovating the 1970's interior into an elegant contrast of chocolate hues, pale greens, and crisp white woodwork. It reminds me of my massage room, and that's probably why I feel so at home and peaceful here.

While she is away at work today, I am enjoying the freedom to fill her kitchen with wonderful baking smells! My first recipe is inspired by the abundant harvest of rhubarb this spring!

Rhubarb Crisp

5 cups chopped fresh rhubarb
3/4 cup white sugar
3 T corn starch
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract


Mix together in a bowl and stir until well coated. You'll notice juice starting to seep out of the rhubarb.

1 1/3 cups oats
1 cup light brown sugar (packed)
1 cup flour
1/2 T cinnamon
3/4 cup melted butter

Mix together in a large bowl until crumbly. 

Pat 1 cup of this mixture into the bottom of a buttered 8x8 pan. 

Pour the rhubarb slop into the pan... 

... and top with the remaining oat mixture. 

Bake at 350 for 45-55 minutes until browned on top and bubbly on the edges. Serve warm with vanilla bean ice cream. 

The Feminine Mystique (but not really)

My last post was about never being too busy to live life, and then I went and missed nearly 7 weeks of writing... It wasn't for lack of things to write about. Those of you who know me know how passionate and overworked I get about a number of things. Not to mention that there is no shortage of women empowerment related material in the everyday news for which I could ramble about. I just got, well, a little busy. ;)

Today, I was struck by an article that has exploded on the internet, news channels, and has Angelina Jolie trending on Twitter. Many of you, I'm sure, are aware of her double mastectomy by now. Her article "My Medical Choice" appeared in the opinions section of the New York Times. In it, she discusses her difficult decision to help ensure she will be around for her six children and husband, Brad Pitt.

Near the end of the article, she hints at a deeper concern many women feel when faced with the decision of altering their body. She writes, "On a personal note, I do not feel any less of a woman. I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity."

For decades, the public has been sexualizing women. Young ladies grow up believing that being feminine means showing off some cleavage, swinging their hips, and pouting their lips. Likewise, many breastfeeding advocates and natural childbirth activists argue the distinctly feminine role we have is birthing children and being able to feed them from our bodies. Without intending to, I'm sure, several women have felt reduced to their body parts on both sides of the spectrum. We cannot deny that our bodies are different from men. We cannot deny that our ability to birth children and breastfeed is uniquely the woman's role.

There is something deeper than our physical bodies here... I am continually wrapped up in unraveling the mystery of femininity. I'm reminded of my sister's sculptures, many of which are naked women, and the responses she gets from friends and family members: "Why naked women?" She explores that mystery through vulnerable art forms, void of covering, exposed. I am reminded of many authors like Betty Friedan who try again and again to express in words what femininity is about. I am reminded of saints like Mother Theresa whose actions implore us to see the mystery in everyday life. I am reminded that femininity may always remain a mystery, but also, that it is a complex patchwork of so many different threads.

What makes YOU feminine?

Never too busy to live life

I had my first acupuncture experience today.

It was pretty much awesome. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect and I was slightly nervous. I am pretty familiar with the meridian lines in one's body due to my Thai massage training and I know enough about my own energy to know when things aren't a-flowing. Despite more familiarity with eastern medicine than the average American, I was still apprehensive about it hurting for some reason. I expected to feel a little pain from the needle insertions or something. Turns out, there was no pain at all. I focused on deep breathing, relaxation, the music and meditative mantras, and found the entire experience deeply relaxing.

I'm not going to go out and sign myself up for the next acupuncture training course in the metro, though many of you who know me well would expect that. I did, however, schedule a follow-up session.

Why am I telling you about a seemingly trivial part of my day? Well, because I want to point out a few pieces of advice I read today and realized applied nicely to my experience:

1) Fear is typically what stands in the way of new experiences. If I'd let my unfamiliarity with acupuncture or my nervousness about the possible pain envelop my thoughts, I probably never would have tried it. Too often, we get absorbed in our fears, doubts, and worries to jump in and try something new - whether it be new foods, a relationship, sky diving, acupuncture, or some other experience.

2) Your time is your most precious resource. Make sure you are working in your work time and relaxing in your recreation time. Don't let the two merge together to make neither of them profitable. This rule always trumps the “Have a willingness to learn” rule. Learn as much as you need to and then focus on the application. - Jay Stockwell, from his ebook on creating an online business

I could have spent a lot of time researching acupuncture, learning more about it, reading testimonials, watching youtube videos about it, etc. or I could just schedule an appointment. Often times, we get so wrapped up in the learning piece of a topic that we never actually go out and DO ANYTHING. I am at fault for this so very often, and am constantly reminding myself of this helpful advice. I routinely coach people who talk and talk and talk about what they're going to do, but they rarely get to it until I kick them in the butt.

Also, had I spent the entirety of my acupuncture session thinking about doing my taxes, worrying about my to-do list and such, it would not have been "profitable." I would not have gotten the experience of relaxation that I did. Similarly, when I sit down to focus on work, I make that time more profitable by being in the moment and not thinking about relaxing with a good book.

3) Almost everyone I know is busy. They feel anxious and guilty when they aren’t either working or doing something to promote their work. - Tim Kreider, from his article entitled "The Busy Trap"

I have been feeling a tad guilty for the life I lead lately. On a lackadaisical Monday afternoon, I got to enjoy an acupuncture treatment (not to mention it was after a holiday weekend full of family time). How lucky am I? Tim Kreider's article was full of validating and heartwarming sentiments for the choices I've made (and for many other self-employed individuals I bet). So many people assume that I'm busy because I have a multitude of passions and projects I am pursuing, but my schedule is incredibly flexible. I almost always have time to babysit my nephew or niece, to have a cup of tea with a friend, to have a phone chat with a faraway friend, or to get acupuncture! I do, because I MAKE time. I could probably put more effort into my work, yes, into advertising, earning money, and the like, but my priorities aren't there. My priorities are in developing the relationships I cherish, taking care of my wellbeing, and enjoying life to the fullest.

Smile!

There is a controversy over how many muscles it takes to smile. Research suggests it could be anywhere from 4 to 17, but some silly chain letter from Aunt Milda says it's 26. There are only 43 muscles in the face, so it can't be more than that. Does it really matter? Smiling is awesome regardless of the inconclusive research.

What IS pretty conclusive, however, is that smiling is good for your health. Smiling can help trick your body into thinking it's in a better mood, and helps release endorphins and seratonin (a happy hormone). Smiling makes you more attractive and lifts other people's spirits, too.

Today, I made apple smiles. Remember those from kindergarten? Yeah, I totally owned that shit. And it definitely made me smile my way through lunch. :D

Books, tea, and fruity heaven

With April fast approaching, the women's book study I started back in November is coming to an end. We've enjoyed each other's company immensely over the past 5 months, and have explored a wealth of perspectives on problems facing modern women. We've read books of great polarity and extremism, engaged in great dialogue and conversation, and enjoyed delicious treats along the way. :)

A book club member graciously offered to bring blooming tea this last time, and treated us all to quite the delightful visual experience:

Blooming Tea kit comes with a glass tea jar and lid,
and several flavors of tea bulbs.

Simply pour hot water over the bulbs and steep. We
used one bulb of jasmine and one bulb of pomegranate
flavor to get a delicious blend!

Then we watched as the tea bulbs blossomed!

The bulb will drop to the bottom as it blossoms,
exposing a flower that floats to the top like a lilypad.

I started the book club primarily as a venue for empowering women through discussion. Not surprisingly, I got to combine many of my other interests as well: deep conversation, reading, and finger foods! I am always looking for yummy appetizers and finger foods for parties, and the book club was a wonderful outlet to test run small batches! I recently made cheesecake-stuffed strawberries (which a friend of mine had made for an in-home jewelry party she hosted a while back) and they were heavenly! I simply blended an 8 oz package of softened cream cheese with a heaping 1/2 cup of powdered sugar, a splash of milk, and 1 T of vanilla extract. Then I put the filling in a cake decorating bag so I could easily squeeze it into the berries. I cut off the tips of the strawberries (so they sit flat on a plate) and the tops, making sure to core out the middle. Squeeze in the filling and sprinkle crushed graham crackers on top and there you go! Simple. I used the same filling to decorate a kiwi slice with a blackberry just to see what it would taste like and angels sang.

Cheesecake-stuffed Strawberries and Kiwi-Blackberry Tarts

About to have a flavor
explosion in her mouth!

Very happy book club member!

Na na Why don't you get a job?

I've had many people suggest that I get a job. Not because I sit on my ass all day or because I'm missing payments, but because I lack routine and financial stability at this point in life. It's a logical response to an unstable lifestyle and to money problems. However, it typically arises from that person's own discomfort with risk or personal experience, and not in response to my reality. In reality, my money situation is far better off than most. When others prompt me to think about this route in life, my response is simply, "Jobs are for people who rely on regular paychecks for comfort and stability." Jobs are beautiful constructs of an economy where many people cannot handle the unknown. I am not implying that this is a bad thing. Plenty of people cannot handle instability because they have children to care for or debt payments with high interest or other obligations. Others can't handle the unknown simply because of mental anxiety or psychological needs. Whatever the case, I am not one of those people - yet (I'll have kids someday)! Naturally, I do need comfort and stability like any human, but my comfort and stability relies on relationships with other people.

I'm not adverse to ever getting a job, but at this point it would simply be to make money. While money is an essential for our basic needs, many of us have forgotten what real NEEDS are. Minimalists, like myself, require little money to live because once our basic needs are met, we are content to forgo tons of material goods, cable tv, weekly bar nights, movie theatre outings, shopping sprees or even any clothes shopping in general, or eating out at restaurants frequently. These luxuries are wonderful, of course, and when I have a little disposable income I like to engage in some of those activities, too, particularly when they facilitate building relationships. But I don't NEED them.

It is for this reason that I have not gone out and snagged myself a "job." Having a job interferes with my ability to facilitate relationships, as well as my ability to pursue my own passions. Perfect example: I spent the past two days in labor with a client. She called me at 4am Wednesday morning and I met her at the hospital a little over an hour later (my commute was an hour). We had no idea what would happen, how she'd progress, when the baby would be born, etc. I cancelled my Wednesday meetings and stayed with her. I stayed overnight. Then Thursday morning came around and I rearranged my Thursday plans as well... There are not many jobs that are going to allow me the flexibility to leave whenever I get a call and to be gone indefinitely. The people I had to cancel on, or reschedule with, were accepting of the circumstances because of the relationships I'd built up with them. Attending that laboring woman was my top priority and having the freedom to not worry and be present to her was an incredible luxury. I DO get luxuries in life, too!

(*Warning: some swearing involved... )

The Boob Song

The boob song. I'm sure many of you have heard it by now, and many of you have heard it over and over again on youtube because you just can't get enough of it... McFarlane's skit went viral instantly with tweeters and facebookers contributing their two cents as fast as their fingers would allow them to type. Google the boob song and the first half a dozen hits are about McFarlane's Oscar Night controversy.

Why has it become all the buzz? Well, we all know that sex sells. Sex also entertains. In a culture of overly-sexualized (I made that word up) bodies, what do we expect comedians to poke fun at?

Women's breasts were intended to FEED offspring. Shocking, I know, boobs have a purpose. When we allow a culture to manipulate their purpose into one of a sexual nature, no wonder it's a scandal when Hollywood stars bare their milk jugs.

Kudos to the women who use their breasts for their intended purpose and to those who breastfeed. Especially those who exercise their right to breastfeed in public. The more people see breasts bared for their natural use, and not just popping out of Victoria's Secret lingerie on billboards, the better.

Guest Post from "Lost in Your Care"

I'm happy to share a guest blog today on an important holiday of love. Whether you love it or hate it, Valentine's Day is about showing love. Donniel Robinson, author of Lost in Your Care blog, shares some wonderful insights on showing love, especially to YOURSELF!

Valentine's Day, it’s one of our favorite Hallmark holidays. It’s a day dedicated to love and kindness. Couples will ramp up the romance, kids will send loving gestures to friends, and parents will hand out extra hugs.

But what will you do to show yourself love?

This year use Valentine's Day as a reminder to focus on loving yourself too.

“Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.”
William Shakespeare

Take Care of Your Body

“When you respect yourself, you respect your body, which has a domino effect on every other area of your life.” Treating your body well with good food, smart exercise, and lots of sleep is the holy trinity of self-care.

Take time to focus on what you are putting in your mouth. Nutrition is the cornerstone of health. Skip the junk and make an effort to eat fresh, healthy food everyday. Follow good meals with some activity. Exercise can be as simple as going for a walk or doing some stretching.

You love others by taking care of them, so give yourself the same respect.

After you’ve refueled and made time for some movement, sleep… sleep a little more… and then take a nap. Sleep is what allows your body to recover from the demands of the day. Most adults need seven to nine hours of sleep each night.

You only get one body and maintenance is much easier than repair.

Dream

There is nothing more tragic than someone who has forgotten how to dream about the future. We often get overly focused on the here and now. Hyper-focusing on the daily tasks of life can be a mistake.

Take some time away from the dishes and the laundry to simply daydream. Our own potential is what gives us a zest for life. Plan a garden, make fitness goals, or start making an outline for that book your going to write.

Life should be filled with joy. Dream and dream big.

“If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself.”
Barbara De Angelis

Treat Yourself

There is no reason to wait for someone else to buy you a beautiful bouquet and a sweet treat. Check out the bargain buckets in your local grocery store. Bouquets can cost as little as $1.99 and last for up to two-weeks. Winter is the best time to have a fresh bunch of flowers sitting on your kitchen table.

Since you’re in the store anyway, you may as well pick up some dark chocolate. It contains cell-protecting antioxidants and causes the release of the “…natural feel-good chemicals called endorphins…” But who really needs a reason, it tastes great!

Whisper Sweet Nothings

Say nice thing to yourself. If another person said nasty things to you all the time, how long would you stick around? Not long. But most of us have the bad habit of saying horrible things to ourselves on a regular basis. Stop the negative self-talk and instead start looking for loving things to say to, and about yourself.

Think of at least three things that you love about yourself. As extra reinforcement, write your sweet nothings down on pieces of paper and post them around your house. Make a game out of it. You could even write a full-blown love letter to yourself and stick it in the mail. Whatever you do, make it a priority to say loving things to yourself.

Seek joy and love yourself. Happy Valentine's Day.

Resources:
“10 Simple Acts Of Radical Self-Care” By Polly Noble, February 6, 2013 http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7633/10-simple-acts-of-radical-self-care.html

“Chocolate and Your Brain: The Feel Good Factor” http://www.allchocolate.com/health/basics/brain.aspx

The only thing you need to know about SEX

Warning: Adult content.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit groggy. I applied some peppermint essential oil to my chest and under my nose to alleviate some sinus pressure, and then loaded Pandora on my phone before hopping in a hot shower. (Hot is a relative term, I take lukewarm showers according to my boyfriend.) One of my favorite songs came on as soon as I got out of the shower: "Butterfly" by Jason Mraz. For those of you who haven't heard this song before, listen to it now. It is super sexy. It got me in a mood... I took my sweet time drying off and then danced around naked because I COULD. I continued to fold my laundry without getting dressed. I made some lunch in the nude, too. I love naked time. It is freeing, empowering, exhilarating, and relaxing. It makes me feel sexy. Unfortunately, naked time does not feel the same to other women. Many women dislike, or even hate, their bodies. (There are definitely men with body issues, too, don't get me wrong. The recent Glee episode titled "Naked" illustrated this.)

Why am I talking about naked time? With an increasingly brazen culture of sex-ridden media (Fifty Shades of Gray, sexy Go-Daddy models, Glee episodes, advertisements, Victoria's Secret, etc.), there seems to be a lot of focus on our bodies but little conversation and real "talk" about sex. So, I wanted to write today about another passion of mine: SEX. No, I'm not a sexual deviant nor am I a nymphomaniac. I happen to be a woman with a healthy sexual appetite. I really enjoy discussing sex. I think sex serves many purposes and can, and SHOULD, be a wonderful act. I've thought about becoming a sex therapist before, and may still consider it as a career down the road. Several of my friends have come to me with concerns and sex issues, and I've written a lot of sex-related material. I've dedicated a lot of my mental energy to determining the role of sex in relationships. I filled six pieces of bright orange looseleaf paper during my senior year of college about whether or not I wanted to lose my virginity before marriage. Some would say I was a prude. To each their own. I just think sex is a really special expression and shouldn't be frivolously engaged in, that's all. That's another topic for another road... I could write forever about my thoughts on sex, but today is for those ladies looking for "5 ways to rev up your sex life" and "the secrets to make him want you."

With Valentine's Day coming up next week, I got to thinking about relationships, sex, dating, and all that wonderfully delicious blogging material. Women everywhere are researching creative date ideas, romantic gifts, and the latest and greatest sex tips with fervor. I have filtered through a lot of that garbage on google for you, checked with Christian Carter, Dear Abby, and Dan Savage, and I'm here to tell you the answer to all of your sex (and relationship) problems. Yup, you'll finally have the answer and I'm giving it to you for FREE. That's right, no credit card. It won't even cost you your email address to sign up for my pesky newsletter. REALLY, TRULY FREE. The answer is:

Confidence.

You know the other great thing? Confidence can be free, too. No $29.97 for an expert's relationship book, no $99 gym membership fee, no $250/mo of sex therapy, not even $3.99 for that issue of Glamour magazine with the article "Let's Get Dressed: How to Look Skinny in Everything." GET UNDRESSED. Metaphorically... but literally for some of you! Get vulnerable! Confidence comes from within, and it starts with loving yourself, your body, and your personality. Easier said than done, right? Of course! That's why there's an entire market out there making millions off of those looking to increase their performance in bed, when in reality most people are looking to increase their confidence. If that gym membership is going to help you get there, though, then do it.

Or... you could take a risk. Don't wear underwear on Valentine's Day and walk around like you own the ground you walk on. Initiate sex (if you don't usually)! Make him pull the car over on the way to dinner and fool around for a bit like hormone-driven, high school teens. Step out of your comfort zone, laugh at yourself, get playful, and enjoy your body. Start small, start SOMEWHERE, and reap the benefits of your new-found sexy confidence.

An essential passion of mine

I've heard that if you're going to blog, you'd better blog well. And blogging well means a few times a week. I have also heard that a blog associated with your business should post at least twice a month, according to social media research. I seem to have missed an entire month somehow... Oh well. I don't call myself a blogger. In truth, my past few blog postings were lacking in passion, excitement, and positivism. I figured I should take a break before putting more negative energy out there, since the point of starting this blog was to chronicle my passions as I navigate how to keep living out all of them!

A forgotten passion of mine popped up in December. Prior to December, I knew I was interested in this passion, but hadn't yet pursued it. Well, I'd run into this woman outside of Liquid Assets in Sartell, where a weekly networking group I'm a part of meets. I was introduced to her by a mutual friend and discovered that she is a massage therapist but also sells Young Living essential oils. I invited her to come to the networking group, and a couple weeks later she did a presentation for all of us. She was incredibly informed about the amazing benefits of essential oils and had so many life-changing stories to share. She's been a distributor for over a decade and loves it.

You should know that I've been invited - no, pressured - to be a part of just about every single Network Marketing business known to (wo)man. From Lia Sophia, Mary Kay, Thirty-One, Avon, and Premier Jewelry, to Xanga, WorldVentures, Alphay, Tastefully Simple, and Pure Romance, I've seen 'em all. And I could probably sell all of them successfully if I really wanted to. The consultants I meet know this, which is why many of them have repeatedly tried to win me over. I'm a charismatic person, and I know how to sell. Whoop-de-do. What sells many of these businesses is the networking part, not so much the product. I didn't care for that kind of business. I am not the kind of woman who even USES products. I scarcely use anything. Do I wash my face at night? Nope. Do I worry about eye wrinkles? Nope. Do I wear jewelry? Yup, but I make it. Do I cook? Yup, from scratch.

Back to the story. This Young Living essential oils lady is awesome. She and I became friends. I mean real friends. I went to a free oil class she offered and discovered that one simple oil, Basil, would really balance out my body. I figured, for such a small cost, what's the harm in trying it out? It is good for sinus issues, ovarian cysts, mental fatigue, aching muscles, and a variety of other things. (No wonder my body liked it so much!) While buying, this is where I was sold on the idea of joining and becoming an independent distributor, it was clear that the wholesale pricing was significantly lower than the retail prices of oils. Duh. For the small price of $50, I could join for a year to get wholesale pricing AND get their starter kit. That's like a Sam's Club membership but I get product too! Annually, I have to spend $50 to maintain my membership (still getting product for that fifty bucks). No additional fees. And if I wanted to sell it to friends or family, I could make a commission. If you want to join my team, click here!

Now I understand why many people join these kinds of companies. When you actually USE the product, and LOVE the product, it is really easy to justify the worth of your membership. It also makes it easier to sell because you see value in what you're selling! When you are simply selling product to make money off of other people, it shows.

What I love about essential oils is that I don't think of them as a "product." I think of them as part of my health care. I don't take OTC medicines or go to the doctor or even use aspirin. Pharmaceuticals scare me and they should scare you, too. Essential oils have no negative side effects (just make sure they're 100% and therapeutic grade, meaning they can be ingested) and have been around for thousands of years in medicinal remedies.

Now for the part I'm sure you've all been waiting for: my oil testimonial. I have suffered from cold sores for a couple years. For those of you who have them, you immediately cringed I'm sure. They're unsightly, they hurt, they take at least two weeks to heal, they spread, and my lymph node under the right side of my jaw gets inflamed and hard. In the past, I've tried Abreva and a number of other off-brand cold sore treatments. Recently, I've stuck with Lysine, a natural treatment that is inexpensive and under researched. It typically shaves off a few days of healing time. While reading about essential oils, I discovered to my delight that my favorite oil, lavender, is good for cold sores! So yesterday morning, with the first tingle of a new nasty sore, I dabbed lavender oil directly on the corner of my mouth. (By the way, the lavender oil came in my starter kit!) I dabbed lavender on again last night and used Lysine cream a few times during the day. It is now Thursday night, and my cold sore hasn't spread to any worse than one bump, it's not very noticeable, my lymph node is smaller than usual, and it's not painful. Crazy awesome, I have to tell you. If it's healed in a week, I may actually be able to kiss my boyfriend goodbye before I leave on a 15 day work trip.

I have also been ingesting or rubbing basil oil on myself once a day for the past week, and I have to say, the increase in my mental alertness is very noticeable. I would not recommend rubbing Basil on just before you go to sleep though, that kept me up until 1:30am the other night. ;)